he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
