You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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