I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
