Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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