I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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