I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
