at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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