I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
