I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
