I got chris browned last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
