no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
