So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
