my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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