So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's blow job season.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
