get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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