Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
