How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize