So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
