i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
