The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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