What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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