Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
