you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so let's talk penis.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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