Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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