Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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