absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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