matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
