Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
