Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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