My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
