We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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