she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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