Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
