You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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