She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
