do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
