well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
