I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
