I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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