i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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