I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
