Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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