I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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