yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
