Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
