You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
