whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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