Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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