yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
