no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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