did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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