Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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